


things you remember when you're hurtling through deep space towards certain death

by rowanwrites



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Sharing a Bed, i will never ship doug and renee, okay i know this will seem shippy but it's not, they're platonic soulmates and that's final, this happens during mayday because he can't just sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanwrites/pseuds/rowanwrites
Summary: Eiffel does a lot of thinking as he hurtles further and further into deep space. Mostly it’s about the commander.
Relationships: Doug Eiffel & Renée Minkowski
Comments: 22
Kudos: 50





	1. Sleeping

He wonders if she’s sleeping enough. Ever since Christmas, they’d shared a bed at least once a week.

They had had their share of traumatic experiences, but a murder attempt by their crewmate was new. Eiffel doesn’t know how to make himself stop shaking, so he finds his way to Minkowski’s room. She is awake, staring at a wall. As he hesitates, she draws back and hits the wall so hard she leaves a bloodstain.

“Commander?” His voice sounds small, even to his own ears.

She whirls around, trying to hide her split knuckles in her bedding. “Eiffel! Are you okay?”

He stares at her. “Are you?”

She sighs. “I’m fine. What are you doing up this late?”

“Punching a wall doesn’t really scream ‘okay,’ Minkowski.”

“It’s okay, really.”

He walks over to her and holds her hand up to inspect it, frowning when she bites back a yelp. “Come on. Let’s get you patched up.”

She follows him willingly to the medbay, clutching his hand as they go.

He furrows his brows at her downcast eyes and the way she holds him like a lifeline. “Commander?”

“Yes, Eiffel?”

“When did you last sleep?”

“I don’t know. Have you been able to sleep?”

“No,” he admits. He ices her hand before wrapping it in bandages and pressing a tiny kiss to her palm. “All better, thanks to Doctor Eiffel.”

She offers a small smile and almost laughs in response, a success in his books. “Thank you. Why don’t you stick to being a communications officer, though?”

He laughs softly and holds a hand out to her. “I can deal with that. You need to get some sleep.”

She takes his hand and they walk back towards her quarters. “Can’t sleep, remember?”

“Neither can I. Can I stay up with you?”

“Only if it’s for your sake and not mine.”

“I came to your room for my sake. You just decided to punch a wall, and I had to go all Dr. Strange on you.”

“Before or after he got magic powers?”

He stops short. “Did you just… understand a reference I made?”

She smiles lazily. “I understand more of your references than you think, Eiffel, I just don’t want you to get a big head about it.”

He puts a hand on either side of his head and throws them outwards. “Too late, commander. Now that I know, my head is going to expand and expand until this station can’t hold it in anymore.”

“I regret it already.”

“You know you love it.”

“I’m not commenting on that while sleep deprived.”

“Afraid you’ll say something you don’t want me to know?”

“I sure am tired, Eiffel.”

“Oh, now you’re exhausted.”

She smirks. “What can I say? You’re exhausting.”

“Wow! Minkowski, you flatter me.”

She rolls her eyes, still smiling. “Come on. Let’s stay up together.”

He leads her over to her bed. “After you, Commander.”

She climbs into the bed and pats the spot next to her. He sits on the edge hesitantly. “Eiffel, you need to sleep too. It’s almost- January. Eiffel, I think it’s New Year’s Right now.”

“Hera?”

“Yes, officer Eiffel, it’s New Year’s Day.”

He sinks into the mattress, laying back with a soft thump. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Minkowski intones.

He turns to face her. “Are you sure it’s okay to be here?”

“You know I have a husband.”

“It’s not like that!” he fumbles. “It’s not like that. I just wanted to make sure it’s okay.”

“Yes, it’s okay. Happy New Year’s, Eiffel.”

He takes her hand, settling into the bed sleepily. “Happy New Year’s, Minkowski.”


	2. Lovelace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel thinks about Minkowski and her terrible methods of feeling emotions

He hopes she’s getting along with Lovelace. They fight a lot, but Eiffel knows it’s because Minkowski doesn’t know how to deal with attraction, especially being married. Hilbert had once told him people on Earth might think the crew was dead, but Eiffel doesn’t trust him now that he’s gone from Jekyll to Hyde.

He knows Minkowski doesn’t know how to approach Lovelace about her feelings. She isn’t even sure that Lovelace is attracted to women (even Hilbert picked that up), nevermind if her feelings are reciprocated.

Eiffel also has a hard time with that part. Lovelace is hard to read, most likely intentionally, and he admires her for it. It does make it hard to tell if Minkowski’s hopes are fulfilled, though.

He’s pretty sure they are. It’s something about the way she laughs at Minkowski’s sarcastic remarks, comments that would earn Eiffel a smack at best.

Lovelace at least finds Minkowski funny, and the commander is obviously entranced by the other woman. It’s funny, really, how oblivious she is. Eiffel hopes she finally does something about it.

He knows she has a husband, and as much as he’d like to ignore what Hilbert says, he knows Mr. Koudelka probably thinks all of them are dead. Seeing as they’re not, it may still be a problem, but from what Eiffel’s heard he would probably understand. From what he’s heard, Dominik probably wouldn’t mind his wife being in any sort of relationship with Lovelace or anyone else.

Still, there is no way she’s working as well as she could with the way she acts around the captain. He remembers no fewer than three instances where her distractedness almost destroyed the Hephaestus.

He had also almost destroyed the station several times, and he won’t think about the doctor, but it was different for her. She’s always the most efficient crew member. She keeps everything on track and the day she messes up is the day the world ends.

Well she’s messed up quite a bit since Lovelace arrived, and Eiffel hasn’t heard from command in a while, so he’s pretty sure he knows what happened.

It’s not only life threatening emergencies, either. She always speaks precisely, and is never unsure of herself unless Eiffel says something more ridiculous than she can imagine (which actually happens a lot, but she usually just threatens his life and gets back to work).

She stumbles over her words constantly, and Eiffel hopes Lovelace doesn’t think she’s an indecisive commander. He’s pretty sure she has the same problem, seeing how often she floats into walls while talking to Minkowski. It would’ve made sense the first few weeks, but now he suspects a different reason, one that doesn’t have to do with gravity.

He told Lovelace about Minkowski’s husband, once. She hadn’t had much reaction, but he is certain that she looked upset for just a moment.

Really, it’s ridiculous that neither woman has noticed the other’s feelings. Both of them get nervous around the other, and both compensate by snapping at Eiffel. It’s a pretty bad situation for him, all things considered.

He would’ve been too scared of both women back when he was on the station, but now he thinks that he’ll say something about it if he ever makes it back. All he wants is for Minkowski to be happy, and if that means putting his life on the line to get her and Lovelace to talk about their feelings, so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have to include some Minlace, and Eiffel has nothing better to do as he taps a booster once every three days  
> Maybe all this thinking will save some of his eyelashes


	3. Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel remembers a night on the station before Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's longer than usual, but please don't expect this be regular because words are hard

He hums under his breath as he flies through the darkness. At first he thinks the tune must have been one of the transmissions. Except the transmissions have never had lyrics, and Eiffel is singing “He had it comin’! He had it comin’! He had no one else to blame.”

He realizes with a start that it’s from a musical Minkowski made him listen to. He had actually enjoyed it, but he would never tell her that. He makes a habit of studiously avoiding thinking about any and all musicals that she shows him, and anyway, he doesn't really remember much of that one.

He remembers the night she makes them listen to Chicago (that’s what it’s called, right?). He doesn’t want to listen to it, but of course it’s a mandatory event. He tries to get Hilbert to bail him out, but even the good doctor can’t get out of this one.

“It’s actually a very good musical, Officer Eiffel,” Hera pipes up. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

“I will never enjoy a mandatory crew morale boosting activity,” he grumbles.

Minkowski rounds the corner. “Luckily for you, you don’t have to enjoy it to boost your morale.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s how morale works, commander.”

“Are you questioning me, Officer Eiffel?”

“No, of course not! I just thought that was kind of the point of a morale booster.”

“This will boost my morale, Eiffel, and believe me when I say that affects yours.

He gups. “Noted, sir.”

She smiles menacingly. “Now, if the two of you would be so kind as to follow me to the observation deck, we can listen to this piece of lyrical genius.”

“Yes, Commander,” Hilbert says quickly, immediately following her in.

Eiffel grumbles a bit before following both of them. “Commander?”

She sighs. “Yes, Eiffel?”

“Why are there blankets on the floor?”

“To sit on.”

“...Together?”

“No, Eiffel. We’ll be in different rooms.”

“Oh, that’s a relief, because-”

“Yes, we’re sitting together!” She peers at him, slightly concerned. “Do you understand sarcasm at all?”

“Uh… only when I’m not desperately hoping it’s not sarcasm.”

She sighs. “Just sit down. It’s more comfortable than floating around or standing.”

“And how exactly are ve going to sit, commander?” Hilbert cuts in.

She holds up several hooks, and Eiffel’s eyes widen. “Great, it’s torture night. We have to be tied down while listening to this?”

“They’re to keep you to the floor, Officer Eiffel,” Hera explains. “You can pull on them to move, but when you aren’t moving they’ll lock you in place so you don’t float away.”

“That’s… actually a pretty good idea.”

“I thought so,” Minkowski inserts.

“Right, sorry.”

Hilbert chooses the hook farthest from the others, which Eiffel wonders about but doesn’t question. He and Minkowski settle next to each other, with their hooks a couple feet away from each other.

“Hera, go ahead and start playing.”

“Yes, commander.”

The track starts with a man speaking. “Ladies and gentlemen, you’re about to see a story of murder, greed, corruption, violence…”

Eiffel perks up. This is not what he had in mind when he heard the words “Broadway Musical,” but he’s starting to think it might be okay.

The first song begins to play, and the jazz coming from every wall starts to lull his overtired eyes closed. He lays down, struggling to focus on the lively songs coming through the speakers.

He hears another voice join the ensemble and looks up in shock at the commander, who is softly accompanying the cast. Minkowski singing? He knows he shouldn’t be surprised with how much she loves musicals, but he never thought he would hear it with his own ears.

She notices him watching her and stops abruptly, the tips of her ears going slightly pink. He apologizes under his breath and she raises a hand to tell him it’s fine.

He fumbles around in his head for a moment before making eye contact with her again and whispering, “You sing really well.”

She looks at him in surprise before giving him a small smile. “Thank you.”

He looks at the floor again, and smiles when he hears her voice start up tentatively again. Between Minkowski’s soft singing, the blankets, and the speakers that become white noise, Eiffel can’t keep his eyes open.

He puts his head on his arms and tells himself he isn’t going to fall asleep.

Eiffel wakes up slowly and realizes the music has stopped. He blinks his eyes open and sees that Hilbert is gone, and he’s curled up against something warm.

“Good morning, sleepy head.”

He jumps. “Commander! Did I fall asleep on you?”

She chuckles. “No, you just move a lot. You looked like you needed it.”

“Who doesn’t in this station,” he muttered. “You should’ve slapped me awake or something.”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

He stretches languidly. “It’s fine. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you here. I’m sure you have something to do, or a book to read, or something.”

“It’s one in the morning, Eiffel. I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“I kept you up! I’m so sorry, I’ll go to my quarters, I can do the star charts or something.”

“You still haven’t updated the star charts?!”

He freezes. “No comment. Anyway, I’m really sorry and I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Wait. You really don’t have to apologize, I… kind of missed being with another person, if I’m being honest.”

He stops and smiles softly. “Me too.”

She looks away. “Sleep well, Officer Eiffel.”

“You too, commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know literally nothing about the musical Chicago i'm very sorry don't @ me


	4. Halothane Knockout Gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel remembers a time she was there for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trauma sucks and Minkowski knows better than anyone. Two very upset humans craving comfort.

He thinks about the first time she found him crying. It was after he nearly suffocated from Hera deploying the knockout gas for Hilbert.

Normally he would play off a life threatening emergency. I mean, stuff like that happens all the time on a run down space station, right?

Still, every time Eiffel thinks about it the memory of his searing lungs comes rushing back, choking him. He feels tears sting his eyes now, a few hours afterwards. He swipes furiously at his eyes.

“Dammit, Doug, pull yourself together.”

He half expects Hera to come online, ask him how he’s doing. She would know what to say. But Hera’s offline, and the possibility of her not coming back brings a fresh wave of tears.

He lets go of the wall and pushes of gently, trying to make sure he doesn’t drown in his own tears.

“Hey, Doug, how are you-” Minkowski takes in the bubbles of his tears floating around the room, joining and separating, and he just blows his blotchy nose and watches. “Not good then.”

He laughs, and it sounds slightly unhinged to his own ears. “I’m doing great. I really love when one of the three people I’ve lived with for two years kills my best friend and tries to kill me and my commanding officer.”

She kicks off the floor, flying towards him slowly. “We’re safe now.”

“We’ve never been safe here, commander. With Hera gone-” he breaks off as a sob escapes his lips.

She collides with him mid-air and guides them both gently into a corner of the wall. She grips both of his shoulders firmly, jolting his eyes to hers. “We are going to get her back.”

He sniffles. “How do you know?”

“I’ll make sure of it. I’ll get you your best friend back.”

He stares at her for a moment, then wraps his arms around her torso. She hugs him back slowly, and he realizes too late that he should’ve asked her first. When he goes to move away, her arms tighten around him.

Eiffel is trembling uncontrollably now, and it’s not cold, no more than usual, but he can’t stop, and he’s sure Minkowski can feel it but she doesn’t say anything, much to his relief.

They float together in silence, Minkowski’s tight hold on him almost stopping him from shaking.

He tries to close his eyes as he sobs into her shoulder, but every time he does he sees his own hands scrabbling for the oxygen mask and finding nothing. He hears Hilbert’s condescending voice, the strain in Hera’s as she struggled against the coding.

“It all comes down to their coding.” Bile rises in his throat and his breathing hitches.

“Doug?”

“I’m going to kill him.”

She rubs soothing circles into his back. “While I wouldn’t object to that, now might not be the time. Why don’t we stay like this for a little bit?”

“Yeah, that works too.”

The flow of tears ebbs eventually, and he lifts his head reluctantly.

She loosens her grip on him slightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Not great, but better, thank you.”

“I’m glad. Anytime you need to talk, I’m here, okay?”

He smiles for the first time since the transmission. “Thank you. You too, commander. I know you can’t stay together all the time.”

She pauses. “Thank you, Eiffel.”

They slowly ease apart, neither one really wanting to let go but both knowing there’s work to be done. An alarm blares, and they both sigh.

He nudges Minkowski with his elbow. “Well, now we’re equipped for another emergency, right?”

“Yeah. Sure, I guess we are.” As they exited the room together, propelling themselves towards the hangar bay, she allowed herself one more promise. “I meant what I said. We’ll get her back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is lowkey super out of character for doug just the way he speaks but he's in ~shock~ so it's totally justifiable


	5. Chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after the last chapter, Minkowski tried to distract them both

Somehow, Eiffel misses chess.

He hated it on the ship. I mean, who actually likes chess?

Minkowski does, of course. She teaches him how to play once the situation in the hangar bay is neutralized.

“We need something to do, Eiffel.”

“What if we do literally anything else instead?”

She gives him a pointed look. “What other ideas do you have?”

“I’m sure Hera could- oh.” He sighs. “Sure, let's play the most boring game on earth.”

“Luckily for us, we’re on a death trap in deep space instead of earth. Chess is the least boring game we have right now.”

He rolls his eyes. “I bet you’ve been waiting for me to say that, haven’t you?”

“You bet I have.”

“Commander, I have to ask.”

She sighs. “Yes?”

“How are you being so calm after this happened? I mean, I know you’re basically invincible, but you did almost just die in the vacuum of space.”

“I’m not being calm, Eiffel, I’m being a commanding officer.”

“Meaning you have to pretend to be okay?”

“Meaning I have to keep my crew from panicking, and right now, you’re my crew. So,” she gestures at the chessboard.

“I’d say panicking a little right now is expected. In fact, I’d say it’s healthy for us to panic at this moment.”

She sighs again. “Go off the rails if you want, Eiffel. I can’t afford to.”

He quiets. “How are you really feeling, commander?”

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re fine, I think I have reason to panic.”

“Fine. I told you when I got back in. No, I was almost just murdered by my second in command. I almost just lost my best friend to the same monster, and my other closest friend is currently in a coma. That takes half of our crew out of commission now that he’s locked up, and a space station that’s falling apart more than it was before. More work, fewer people, and I can’t expect you to pick up the slack because you’re not even trained for these things. My heart rate hasn’t slowed down in seven hours and if it speeds up any more it might explode and leave you to run this pile of trash alone, so I’m playing my least favourite game in existence to try to slow it down.”

He stares at her for a moment before shuffling over to her and wrapping her in another tight embrace. “It’s like you said, commander. We’ll get Hera back, and in the meantime the two of us can totally keep this piece of scrap metal in commission.”

She chuckles weakly. “Let’s hope so.”

“How do you know what your heart rate is without Hera?”

She holds up a little device. “Heart monitor. I got it when I got the job.”

“How is it now?”

“It’s… gone down a bit. Thanks, Doug.”

“No problem, sir. Now, do you still want to teach me chess?”

“Just because you’re still complaining about it, yes.”

He groans. “Remind me to keep my mouth shut next time.”

“I’ve been doing that for two years. Somehow, it never seems to stick.”

“My ideas are always great. How could I keep them to myself?”

“Ideas like smoking with pure O2?”

“Okay, not my best moment. But I have loads of ideas!”

Name one idea you’ve had that hasn’t almost killed us.”

He wracks his brain and comes up empty. “I’ll think of one, give me a moment.”

“Eiffel, as good of a crew member as you are, your ideas are not good. Ever.”

“I’ll concede to that, but only-” he held a finger up- “because you said I’m a good crew member.”

“Diversions are always effective.”

“Hey, wait a minute!”

“Ready to learn about chess?” She doesn’t wait for his response. “Of course you do. Now…”

Half an hour later, Eiffel is mostly asleep, watching her through heavy eyes as she cleans up the chessboard. “M’sorry I’m so bad at it.”

“You just learned how to play. I’m surprised I didn’t win faster, to be honest.”

“What are you, a chess master? You know,” he mutters, “I wouldn’t even be surprised. The great Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. Is there anything she can’t do?”

She laughs bitterly. “A lot, if today was any indication. Come on, Eiffel, up you get. You need to go to bed.”

“Aren’t there things to do?”

“There always are. I think we’ve earned one full night of sleep.”

“Maybe. But I have to get up early to do work, okay?”

“Okay, Doug. I’ll make sure you get up.”

“I have to bring Hera back.”

“We’ll get her back, but first we need to sleep.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired. Are you tired?”

“Extremely.” She tugs on him gently and pushes off hard, dragging him back through the station to his quarters. “Bedtime.”

“Read me a bedtime story?” he asks with a sleepy smile.

“This one’s called Pryce and Carter’s Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual.”

He makes a face. “Nevermind, then.”

She laughs lightly. “Maybe another time. I need to sleep too.”

“Alright. Sleep well, commander.”

“Goodnight, Eiffel.” She shuts the lights off as she leaves, and neither of them mention the dark circles under the other’s eyes in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's pretend the end isn't a bit sad


	6. Singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel remembers a different musical number, and a conversation about stage fright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is canon

He is humming again, but he knows it’s not from any musical Hera played for them. It’s certainly not from anything he had watched before the Hephaestus. Try as he might, Eiffel can’t remember where it’s from.

The tune is incomplete, only a few measures, which are starting to get very annoying.

Think, Doug. If it’s not from a movie, a show, or a hit Broadway musical, where has he heard this?

_Minkowski. ___

__Of course Minkowski, because she wouldn’t stop playing her showtunes, but this isn’t a show tune. She wrote this. Before Christmas, in the very little downtime she had, she would work on her own music. She doesn’t have time anymore, but there were a few times she forced him to listen to some._ _

__He remembers her singing to him. Her singing voice isn’t nearly as bad as he thinks it would be._ _

__She’s sitting there, anchored to the wall, swaying slightly, singing. Her eyes are closed and Eiffel suddenly has the feeling that this is the most vulnerable he has ever seen her._ _

__Hera is playing piano for the music she wrote, along with several other instruments that she has access to, but Eiffel can barely focus on the music with Minkowski singing._ _

__It isn’t her voice, or the lyrics, or anything else about the song. It’s the fact that his commander is sitting in front of him with her eyes closed and showing him something that she created. Something she loves._ _

__When she opens her eyes, he realizes his mouth is hanging open and quickly snaps it shut._ _

__She looks confused. “Eiffel?”_ _

__“Ah! Yes, commander! It was great!”_ _

__She frowns, then slowly smiles. “Really? I wasn’t sure you would like it.”_ _

__“Yes, it was really good,” he assures her._ _

__“What did you think about the lyrics? Did the music sound good with it?”_ _

__“I, uh…”_ _

__“Officer Eiffel, did you even hear the lyrics?” Hera asks pointedly._ _

__“To be honest, I don’t think I really took everything in,” he admits._ _

__Minkowski sighs. “So you were lying about it being good.”_ _

__“No!” She jumps slightly when he rushes to correct himself. “It sounded really good all put together, I just didn’t really get each part individually.”_ _

__She breaks into a relieved smile. “I’m glad you like it. Would you mind if I go through it again? Maybe you could read the lyrics to yourself as I go.”_ _

__“I don’t know if that would work.” He stops, considering. “Would you sing it without the music in the background? No offense, Hera.”_ _

__“None taken.”_ _

__Minkowski freezes. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”_ _

__“It’s totally okay if you don’t want to!”_ _

__She sighs. “Sure. I can do that.”_ _

__He smiles. “Whenever you’re ready.”_ _

__Eiffel watches her fidget, then slowly close her eyes and start singing again._ _

__She sings even more clearly than the last time, her voice lilting up and down and up again, following the emotions of her song._ _

__He is entranced by the story she tells. This time, he hears her words, and he cannot stop hearing them hours later._ _

__When her final note rings out, she opens her eyes shyly. “How was that?”_ _

__“Even better than the first time.”_ _

__“Did you catch the lyrics this time?”_ _

__“Yes. It’s beautiful.”_ _

__“You mean it?”_ _

__“Do you have more of it written?”_ _

__She pauses. “You want to hear more?”_ _

__“Absolutely. Minkowski, you’re better than Sondheim!”_ _

__She grimaces. “I wouldn’t say that.”_ _

__“It’s true. You need to finish this musical and perform the whole thing.”_ _

__“Maybe at Christmas, for our talent show.”_ _

__He groans. “Anything but the talent show.”_ _

__“What’s wrong with it?”_ _

__“You and Hera are the only talented people on this hunk of space junk. Unless you want Doctor Frankenstein to show you how many ways he can cause pain while making sure you’re healthy.”_ _

__She grimaces again. “I’ll pass.”_ _

__“Exactly. What if, _instead _of the show, you performed your musical?”___ _

____“This musical has more than one person in it, Eiffel.”_ _ _ _

____“Hera can play someone,” he suggests._ _ _ _

____“More than two.”_ _ _ _

____“Hera can play multiple someones?”_ _ _ _

____“Officer Eiffel, I remind you that I’m holding a space station together. It’s probably best that I don’t play every supporting character, the ensemble, and the orchestra for a musical that I actually have to learn. It’s not in my database already if it doesn’t exist.”_ _ _ _

____“…That’s fair.”_ _ _ _

____“I know.”_ _ _ _

____“So, if we put on this musical, you would have to be in it.”_ _ _ _

____He jumps to his feet. “Nevermind! You know, we could do it after we get back to Earth, and then you can have a full cast. Doesn’t that sound great? Not just lousy old Doug and Doctor X putting on your masterpiece.”_ _ _ _

____She stares at him, and Hera finally breaks the silence. “Eiffel, do you have stage fright?”_ _ _ _

____“Me? Of course not! No! Why in the world would I have stage fright?”_ _ _ _

____Suddenly, Minkowski laughs, and he whips his head around to stare at her. “Of all the fears you have, I never in a million years expected performance to be one of them.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s a common fear!” he protests defensively._ _ _ _

____“I’m not judging you. It’s just… unexpected, for you anyway.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ve had it for as long as I can remember,” he admits._ _ _ _

____“I had it for a while too. I think it was musical theatre that changed it for me. I really wanted to be one of the people onstage while everyone gave me a standing ovation.”_ _ _ _

____“Don’t expect to change me, Spock. I will not subject myself to public humiliation for the sake of the arts.”_ _ _ _

____She smiles. “Noted, Doug.”_ _ _ _

____He hesitates on his way to the door. “Do let me know when you have more to show me, alright?”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll keep you posted.”_ _ _ _

____He nods once, turns, and flees the room. No standing ovations for Doug, thank you very much._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is no way that minkowski has never tried writing a musical, and seeing as she's good at everything she does, her musicals are the best ever


	7. Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel starts getting hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen. there's no way minkowski doesn't know how to cook

He’s starting to get hungry. He knows he should put himself under again so he doesn’t starve to death, but he’s scared of cryo. Going under repeatedly probably isn’t good for you, but it’s probably better than starving.

He can’t cook, so even if the shuttle had anything to eat, he probably wouldn’t be able to. Minkowski is a great cook.

Christmas got cut short, but he was actually excited for their meal. He knew that the turkey would be good, if the first meal she cooks him is any indication.

It’s only been a few months since they arrived at the Hephaestus. Minkowski has only used prepackaged food so far, being nervous to use the kitchen appliances before she’s familiar with all of the more essential tasks she has. As commanding officer, she has a lot.

Eiffel’s glad he doesn’t have so many. He barely has one, really. He just sits around with his contraband cigarettes and fidgets with dials. It’s not what anyone would call hard work. She keeps mentioning something about star charts, but he has no idea what she’s talking about.

Minkowski seems nice enough, but she runs a tight ship. One day, she pokes her head into the comms room, and he quickly stuffs his pack of cigarettes under his leg. “Commander! Didn’t expect to see you here.”

She sighs. “I wouldn’t be here if you were in the kitchen like I asked.”

“You… asked me to go to the kitchen?”

“Yes, Eiffel, I did. I made lunch.”

He stares at her. “What?”

“Lunch? The second meal of the day?”

He lets go of the seat and stands up, muttering, “Isn’t luncheon your fourth meal? You’re tiny.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

She rolls her eyes. “Can we just go eat a meal together? The crew barely interacts.” She rubs her arms. “I didn’t expect the station to feel so lonely with three other people onboard.”

“There’s only me and the doctor, Commander.”

“Ahem.”

He looks at the computer they’re floating past. “Nevermind.”

Minkowski shakes her head and keeps walking. “Don’t you get lonely up here?”

“Uh, not really. I haven’t really had many friends for a while now, so you’re probably the person I’ve interacted with most in the past year or so.”

“Really? We barely talk.”

“We talk at least once a day, which is more than before. Unless you count the threats of bodily harm,” he adds under his breath.

She doesn’t seem to know how to respond, so they continue propelling themselves down the passageway in silence until they reach the kitchen.

Hilbert is already there, looking bored. When Minkowski walks in, he straightens up. “Commander Minkowski, vhy are ve here? I have time sensitive experiments in my lab that require the utmost attention.”

“We are here to eat a meal together, Doctor.”

“Uh, Commander? Our meals are basically styrofoam.”

She grins. “Not this time. I made food. Real food.”

Eiffel gasps. “Really?”

“Really.”

“What did you make?”

She smiles even more widely. “Pizza.”

“You’re joking.”

“Not even a little bit.”

He breaks into a grin, then stops himself. “Wait. Did you, like, synthesize pizza? Because if you did I don’t want it.”

“Nope,” she replies, popping the p. “I. Made. Pizza.”

“This is the best day of my life!” he yells.

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t cheer just yet. I haven’t taste tested it, and all the fresh food has been frozen for a while now.”

He ignores her, taking a huge bite out of a slice of pizza, his eyes falling closed as he savours the melted cheese and tomato sauce. “Commander, if I wasn’t eating this pizza right now, I could kiss you.”

She makes a face. “There are so many reasons that would be inappropriate, but I’ll just take that to mean the pizza is good.”

“This is quite possibly the best pizza I’ve ever had,” he enthuses.

Doctor Hilbert gingerly takes a slice and bites into it. “This is not the vorst pizza I have eaten.”

“Well, that’s not the worst feedback I’ve ever gotten,” she deadpans.

Eiffel elbows Hilbert, hiding a smirk at the shorter man’s grunt of pain. “Don’t listen to him, Commander. I guarantee you this is the best pizza made in deep space.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Eiffel.”

“You know you can call me Doug, right? I don’t think Command will know if you don’t call me by my last name only.”

“Sure, Doug. But you’re still Officer Eiffel.”

“Aye aye, sir. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“You really like the pizza though?” she checks again.

“Really,” he mumbles through a mouthful. He sees her cringe, and swallows the bite sheepishly. “I’ve missed pizza more than I missed actually smoking.”

“Wow.”

“Did you make more than this one pizza? Because I’m about to eat until I can barely move- that is, except to get to the comms room and stay hard at work,” he corrects hastily.

“Right. I just made the one. Maybe I’ll make some another time if you stay on my nice list.”

He drops to his knees as best as he can in zero gravity, holding himself against the floor with the bolted down table. “Please make more, Commander. I’ll do anything.”

She smiles. “We’ll see. For now, we all have duties to attend to. Grab a slice on your way out.”

He obliges, and grabs Hilbert’s second slice when the doctor leaves without it. “Thank you! You’re the best commander to ever walk this station!”

“I’m the only commander to ever walk this station,” she calls back.

“That doesn’t change what I just said!”

He doesn’t miss the smile in her voice when she yells, “Back to work, Doug!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the start of their friendship 100%, although he somehow avoids doing literally anything for the second pizza
> 
> also minkowski is tiny she's like 5'0 and she absolutely did not understand eiffel calling her a hobbit because if she did she would've eaten the pizza with hilbert and made him watch


	8. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel feels like he's drowning, not for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this chapter involves discussions of flashbacks and drowning be safe <3
> 
> i do not experience flashbacks so please contact me if there's something i should change  
> eiffel cried all the time that is super duper canon
> 
> this one's also longer than usual and i don't know if i should apologize about that? it just is

He feels like he’s drowning. It isn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s just as terrifying as every time before this one. He remembers the first time it happened in front of everyone, a week after the real incident.

He was back in his suit, water filling in, unable to see anything. He can tell it’s dark, and the star is bright, but he can’t even see the tether he is pulling himself along. This time, when the water hits his mouth, he chokes and lets go of the tether. He is 100 feet off the station and he is drowning, drowning, drowning, and Minkowski is shaking his shoulder and he is not dead.

“Eiffel! Hera, what’s happening?”

“I-I don’t know, commander, his brain activity is everywhere, his heart rate is rising, and I- oh.”

“What is it?” she snapped urgently.

“He seems to be reexperiencing a traumatic event. Based on the gurgling, I’d say the time he almost drowned.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what do I do?”

“He’s coming to, Eiffel? Can you hear me?”

He wrenches himself away from his memories, moment ending, and croaks, “Hey, baby.”

“Hi, Doug.”

The commander searches him for any visible injuries. “Are you okay, Eiffel?”

“As okay as I can be, Minkowski. I didn’t know you could drown without any water nearby.” He means it as a joke, but the gravity of the situation was too serious, even for him. Minkowski looks as concerned as ever.

She quickly throws on her most commanding expression, masking her emotions, and rights herself. “Let’s get you to your quarters.”

He brushes her off. “I’m fine, Commander.”

“Then I need you to tell me what that was about,” she demands. “I can’t have something like this happening regularly.”

He tries to move subtly, but sees Minkowski’s face grow concerned again as he scoots away from her. “On second thought, I think I’ll grab some water and rest for a bit.”

“Doug-”

“I’m fine, Commander!”

“Eiffel! Get back here right now, or I’ll…” Her voice fades as he flees the room, going not to his quarters but to the comms room.

“O-Officer Eiffel?” Hera’s voice crackles over the loudspeaker, full of concern.

“Go away, Hera.”

“No.”

“...What?”

“I said no,” she repeats fervently. “You don’t get to shut me out because you’re upset! You need to talk to me and Minkowski. You don’t get to sulk. None of us have time to sulk up here.”

“I said go away. I don’t want to talk right now. Maybe later.”

“Are you serious right now? Do you know how many times I’ve had to watch you dying, monitoring your vitals as your lungs fill with water and your heart rate spikes and then it stops? Do you know what that’s like, Doug?”

“Do you know what it’s like to actually live through that, Hera?”

“I-” he can hear her deflate, and she lets out a defeated breath. It’s another painful reminder to him that her lungs aren’t real, and they’ll never be overcome like his were, like they are, they still are, he’s still drowning, and he’s back in space, and this time nobody is there to pull him back to safety.

“Douglas Fernand Eiffel!”

He blinks. Minkowski looks terrified. He scrambles to attention, realizing too late that he has never once done this in front of her. “Minkowski! Do you need something? I was just going to take a nap like I said.”

“Does this happen often?”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, and I’m desperately exhausted, so I’m just going to take that nap-”

“Eiffel. I’m not mad. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why do you care?”

She laughs. “Eiffel, you’re important to me. You know that, right? I’m here, asking, because I care about you and it sure as hell doesn’t seem like you’re okay.” When he looks away from her, she continues gently. “I wouldn’t be okay if that happened to me, either.”

He looks into her eyes again and sees her face soften. “It was really scary.”

“I was terrified that we’d lost you.”

“It wouldn’t matter much if you did, though,” he mutters.

She looks shocked. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s not like I’m some hero or the commander, I’m just Doug.”

“You’re you. Doug. That’s why it would matter.”

“What have I ever done for you?”

“Eiffel, you’re part of my crew. That means a lot, and if you add the fact that you’re my closest friend here, I think it would matter a lot if you died.”

He stares at her, tears welling in his eyes “I keep going back there. I keep drowning, over and over again, except this time nobody’s there, not even Hera, and I’m just drowning alone and I know there’s nobody to save me.”

She crosses the room to him and wraps him in a tight embrace. “I’m here. It’s over now. I’m here and you are too, and I won’t let it happen to you again.”

He starts crying again, the bubbles seeping into Minkowski’s jumpsuit. As guilty as he felt about crying on her, he was more grateful that she was preventing his tears from drowning him too.

He brings his thoughts back to the shuttle. It happened again. It was out of her control, but it happened again and Minkowski didn’t prevent it. He had believed her, back when she said it. He smiles bitterly. “That’s why you can’t rely on other people, Doug. They always let you down.”

He knows she believed it, but she failed. He’s alone in space, flying away from his home and his home away from home. He misses her, and Hera, and he really hopes he doesn’t drown, because he’s crying again and the shuttle is smaller than his quarters on the Hephaestus.

He takes a deep breath and tries to stop crying. He refuses to drown in space. He smiles, bittersweet. Minkowski wouldn’t let him die like that, and he won’t either.


	9. Panic Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this took so long to post!! i wanted to make sure i wrapped this up before school starts again, so that yall aren't left hanging another 3 months
> 
> enjoy!

Eiffel is done thinking. He taps the booster one final time and hopes that Minkowski has already cleared out his quarters.

He imagines her taking his items out one by one, Lovelace watching from the doorway. Maybe by now they’ve gotten together. Maybe the captain will give her the tight embrace that he longs to.

He curls into himself, feels his breathing quicken. He can’t breathe. He knows this feeling, tries to think rationally. What would Minkowski say?

“You need to slow your breathing, Doug. I’m here.”

That’s what she says the first time she finds him in this position, after having another nightmare about decima. He dozed off in the comms room, and now he’s hiding under the console, backed against the wall, trying desperately to _breathe, Doug, dammit. ___

__She throws the door to the room open with a clash that, if possible, would have made him curl up even more tightly._ _

__“Hera, where is he? You said this was urgent!”_ _

__“It i-is! He’s under the c-console, Commander.”_ _

__She leans down. “What? Why would he- oh. Oh no. Doug, talk to me.”_ _

__He tries to form words, to wave her away with a bad joke, but he can’t slow his breathing enough to say anything._ _

__She kneels down beside him, halfway crawling under the console, and he grabs onto her arm desperately. “Help.”_ _

__“You have to tell me what’s wrong for me to help.”_ _

__“Can’t breathe,” he croaks._ _

__“Okay, I need you to slow down your breathing,” she coaches. “I can’t have my second in command hyperventilate to death.”_ _

__She slows her own breathing, making it louder so he could try to match his to her. He makes an effort to slow his down, trying to ignore the persistent feeling that he’s going to die if he stops breathing so quickly. After all, Minkowski knows best._ _

__“Breathe with me. Hera? How’s he looking?”_ _

__“H-his heart rate is still high, but it’s sl-lowing down,” comes the quick reply._ _

__They breathe together for a few moments more before Minkowski sighs and wraps her arms around him. “How are you feeling?”_ _

__He lets out a weak chuckle. “Better than ever, Commander, how are you?”_ _

__She hits his arm lightly. “You scared me, Doug.”_ _

__He grimaces. “Sorry Commander. Must’ve been overtired. I’m fine now though, sorry to waste your time.”_ _

__“I don’t think so, Eiffel. What’s going on?”_ _

__“I’m fine, I promise.”_ _

__“That’s not what I asked.”_ _

__He looks down, avoiding her piercing gaze. “I just had a bad dream. I know, it’s stupid, but I keep seeing him standing over me, and I’m coughing again, and I know he’s going to kill me.”_ _

__She sets her mouth in a firm line. “He isn’t going to be anywhere near you for the rest of his miserable life.”_ _

__“I know. Thanks commander.”_ _

__She frowns and stays silent for a moment, before tightening her grip on him. “You’re still breathing pretty quickly. Try to take deep breaths.”_ _

__He slows his breathing again, trying to match hers. Eventually, he leans into her arms, and she holds him wordlessly. “Don’t you have emergencies to deal with?”_ _

__“Not right now. Hera’s got everything covered.”_ _

__He smiles. “Thanks, Commander. Sorry for being so needy.”_ _

__“You aren’t needy, Doug,” she assures him. “I’m here for you.”_ _

__“I’m glad.”_ _

__He closes his eyes, and when he wakes up hours later she’s still holding him, eyes closed peacefully._ _

__In the shuttle, Eiffel blinks back tears, wishing he had her now. He tries to slow his breathing down, the way she taught him to, but it’s harder without her arms around him. His radio is silent, and he thinks he will be too, in a matter of days._ _

__His hair is long gone, along with his nails and everything else that made him Doug Eiffel. He has long since resigned himself to the fact that he will never be who he was again, and he isn’t going to go into cryo again._ _

__He starts crying in earnest and wonders briefly if he’s going to drown in space, like he almost did so many months ago._ _

__Hera begins to speak, one of many hallucinations he’s had since this field trip began. He tries to ignore her, but she speaks again. “Say again, U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare?”_ _

__“I said go away!” he yells at her, wishing his family would let him die in peace. “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now!”_ _

__“Well, all right, but we have received your mayday and thought you might like a hand.”_ _

__He is bundled into a ship, one with food and water and warmth. The first night, as he goes to sleep in a cot instead of a cryo pod, he smiles, imagining Minkowski’s face when he gets back._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.


End file.
